The Misadventures of Goofy and Goofier

Warning: The following article has absolutely no educational value whatsoever. It tells of a day in the life of two normally level-headed individuals who, when thrown together in each other’s company, inexplicably turn into knuckleheads trying to outsmart, or should I say outdumb, each other. I don’t think it will surprise anyone to learn these two also happen to be related. So here goes…

Ever heard the story about this guy and this girl who went out on their first date? The girl got so nervous that she farted in the middle of the movie. The guy laughed so hard that snot came out of his nose and bubbled up. Call me shallow, but the image of these hapless two never fails to amuse me. Yet, I used to think this story was a little too far-fetched, until a similar incident happened to me. I used to think that stuff like this never happens in real life, until my experience proved me wrong…

My family and I were vacationing in Orlando, Florida several summers back. One day, we passed by an outlet mall and decided to stop by. I did not want to be tempted to buy too much so I left my purse in the trunk of the car and just stuffed a couple of Benjamins in my pocket. We browsed store after store, and after awhile, my daughter Chessa and I were exhausted from shopping. By this time, we had gotten separated from my husband and other daughter who had both wandered off together to check out other stores. It didn’t matter. Chessa and I could pass the time away just talking to each other while we waited for the two to catch up. We were strolling arm in arm, engrossed in our conversation, when suddenly, an attack of the munchies overcame us. This was serious. One thing you must know about this mother-daughter tandem: we don’t handle hunger well.

We were like scavengers frantically digging deep into our pockets looking for extra cash. From the look of desperation on our faces, you would think we hadn’t eaten for days. We did manage to scrounge up something. It is in moments like these that you think wistfully of that penny on the ground that you didn’t bother to pick up and those coins under the couch that you were too lazy to gather.

We looked around the food court looking for something that would fit our budget. There was a Mrs. Fields booth where the prices looked like it was within our range. We added up the cost of one small Coke and a choco chip cookie plus tax, and we realized we were still short. Never mind. Didn’t they say God will provide?

We went inside and placed our order. After we threw our loose change on the counter, we grabbed our Coke and cookie and hastily sat down on one of the booths. After counting the assortment of coins, the guy called out to us and said, “Excuse me. Your total was $5.79 and you only gave me $5.53.”

I sunk to a new low that day. Why, just a few minutes ago, I was an upright and law-abiding citizen. Now I was nothing but a low-down brazen criminal . What a difference a few cents can make! I approached the counter like one approaching the judge’s bench. “That’s all the money I have,” I whispered apologetically to the guy.

The guy had no choice but to take what money we gave him. I mean, what could he do, haul our ass off to jail? Take us to People’s Court for a measly twenty-six cents? Worse, take away the coke and the cookie that we had taken a sip of and nibbled on? Come on!

He scooped the coins off the counter and muttered under his breath, all the while giving us dirty looks. Chessa and I pretended to ignore his hissy fit. The guy must have thought we were mother- daughter con artists. What can I say? When hunger strikes, our sense of shame takes a backseat, but hey, lighten up. It’s not like we robbed a bank or something!

So there we were, nonchalantly having a conversation in one of the corner booths, acting like we didn’t just con a man out of a few cents. We were people-watching as usual, talking and laughing like we always do.

Then, out of the blue, I made a remark that struck us both as really funny. We could feel the giggles coming on , the body-racking, side-splitting kind that we usually bring out in each other .

I was in the middle of sipping my ice-cold beverage and Chessa was working on her half of the cookie. I hastily gulped down my soda so I wouldn’t choke on it. Too late! The laughter was already gurgling up from inside me and it caught the soda bubbles midway between my throat. When the laughter exploded out of my mouth, it sent the soda bubbles going the other way. They went up my nasal cavity and escaped out of my nostrils in a foamy fizz, spilling over into my drink. Ooopsie!

Chessa’s mouth gaped open at the sight. She must have thought, “Here I am, haven’t even had a sip of that Coke, and my mom just snorted down on it!” She had every reason to be upset.

Instead, how does she react? She bursts out laughing. This sent some semi-digested cookie particles spewing over the one in her hand. Mind you, that was my half of the cookie! Tit for tat. It was my turn to be dismayed. Man, I haven’t even had a bite of that yet!

We both looked at each other and tried to size up the situation. Should we throw away our ill-gotten and now possibly inedible food, or do we give in to our base instinct to feed? Let’s see…

Hmmm… No brainer! In Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, food is a primal need that has to be met before everything else. Besides, germs when shared from the same gene pool cancel each other out, right?

We resumed our snack attack in accordance with the laws of survival. I brushed the unwanted sprinkles off my baked goodie and Chessa drank her snot juice like it was the best stuff on earth. Between barely suppressed giggles, we carried on like nothing unsavory just happened. That’s how my husband and daughter found us, in a corner booth, giggling between bites…

I am sure you are all happy to find out that neither of us ended in the ER that day. That unexpected bonanza of bacteria must have given us an extra boost of immunity. We were, as they say, fit as a fiddle and healthy as a horse, with the latter’s appetite, apparently. Which just goes to show you that they were right in saying, “What won’t kill you will make you stronger.”

So concludes another misadventure in the continuing saga of Goofy and Goofier…

***Folks, the moral of the story is, if anybody ever tells you an anecdote that seems too gross to be true, believe me, it probably IS true. Take it from someone who knows… And if you ever come across a pair of mother-daughter look-alike that appear like they’re up to no good, chances are, they probably ARE up to no good. After all, goofy can only get goofier…