Scarred for Life

Have you ever stumbled upon a situation so horrific that the image is seared in your memory forever, and you stagger away like a wounded animal, damaged beyond repair, burned beyond salvation, scarred for life??? Well, I have. Sneak a peek into my private nightmare…

The day started like any other, uneventful and ordinary. I was with my eldest daughter who was nine years old at that time. Her cup of cheer was spilling over as usual. It was not long before I was humming along to her Disney tunes. Zip-a-dee-doo-dah. Zip-a-dee-ay… This had all the makings of a wonderful day.

I decided to pay a visit to She-Who-Will-Not-Be-Named. I strolled arm-in-arm with my daughter up the pathway of her house. I knocked on the door. One, two, three. No response. I saw the doorbell and I buzzed. Hmm, no response either. She was not expecting me but I expected her to be home. After all, it was in the middle of the afternoon and where could she have gone? Then I remembered her room was at the front side of the house. I decided to head that way. Brushing aside the errant branches of a nearby bush, I cleared the way with my daughter in tow. Behind the flimsy lace curtain, I had a view of the entire room. I was about to rap on the window when something caught my eye.

In the middle of the room was the bed. On top of it, I saw a wide swath of red next to an even wider expanse of white with a crease in the middle. The red and white combo was inexplicably bobbing up and down. This unexpected and unusual sight threw me off. For a moment my mind tried to unravel this mystery. What was red and white and moving up and down? I was stumped! For the life of me, I could not quite figure it out! Then I heard the sound of bed springs creaking in rhythmic motion. In one sickening second it hit me! The wide swath of red was the supersized shorts of the husband of She-Who-Will-Not-Be-Named, the wide expanse of white was his generously proportioned behind, and the crease was his crack! He had his shorts down to his thighs and was on top of her humping away like nobody’s business! He had not even bothered to take his socks off. Then, to cinch the chapter on an already traumatic event, the two looked up from their amorous activity to see me gaping at them like a fish. Horror of horrors!

To catch a couple in the middle of an intimate act is horrible enough. For the couple to catch you catch them is twice as horrible. All I could remember was the look on their horrified faces that mirrored the look on mine. I shrieked like one demented. I frantically covered my daughter’s eyes and scampered towards the safety of my car, dragging my bewildered child behind me. When inside, I shut my eyes, stomped my feet and screamed like a mad woman. Ahhhh!!! This was not how I envisioned my uneventful and ordinary day to turn out! My daughter kept asking me what was wrong, but I just shook my head and wailed in response. In vain, I repeatedly pressed the rewind and erase button of my memory, but it kept hitting replay! Too late. My inner peace had been shattered. My innocence, whatever was left of it, was shattered. I knew I would never be the same again.

I didn’t think matters would get any worse, but it did. Unable to hold the secret any longer, I confided this incident to my brother but swore him to secrecy. Of course, what does he do? First chance he got, he blabbed out the secret to everybody when he teased She-Who-Will-Not-Be-Named at the next family gathering! Me and my big mouth! Oh, will this horror never stop!

So, word to the wise. Next time you are looking for some “afternoon delight” at whatever time of the day, make sure you two are really alone and out of sight, and the kids are drugged in their sleep. We don’t want any more people roaming this earth “scarred for life.” And for Chrissake, invest in some thick, heavy-duty, double-privacy curtains!

The image of that white doughty butt bobbing up and down will haunt me forever! I may look perfectly sane on the outside, but don’t let that fool you. Inside I am nothing but a soul in torment. I have been damaged beyond repair, burned beyond salvation, and yes, I have been scarred for life. All because on one uneventful and ordinary day, I had a close encounter with a pair of big bouncing full moons!!!

11 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. balot freires
    Aug 02, 2010 @ 21:25:12

    laughed my heart out,it must indeed be an experience never to be forgotten….i will most likely disappear sa planet kung ako pa to imo kit-an..hehehehe


    • emmblu
      Aug 02, 2010 @ 22:26:16

      Ambot kinsay mas magduko-duko, ikaw o ako? The sight of somebody’s lobot bobbing up and down is not something you can forget easily, that’s for sure. If you only saw me that day, Balot, I was acting like a madman, screaming at the top of my lungs and stomping my feet! Pun-an pa sa akong Kuya nga sugsogan!


  2. EmmanSad
    Aug 03, 2010 @ 02:26:32

    No one wants to get caught with your pants down that way, or any other way. (Is the guy Caucasian? Mora’g sa sugilanon nimo hayag kaayo ang iyang sampot. Ang babaye Pinay sa?)

    Heheh…It’s very funny, Em. Although it’s sort of difficult for me to believe it is that traumatic for you the streetsmartass woman of the world.

    Wonderfully written. You could probably send it to Readers’ Digest for publication for a My Most Unforgettable Experience or something, that is if RD becomes R-rated.


    • emmblu
      Aug 03, 2010 @ 11:10:01

      Nothing gets past you, my friend. You are right on both accounts. First, the guy is indeed Caucasian with a Pinay wife. Second, I may have stretched the truth a bit to describe the havoc this incident caused me, but believe you me, tough as nails I might be, the unexpected sight of that white behind in action did cause me to get mentally unhinged, even if the effect was just temporary.

      Thanks for reading my blog and posting comments. I wish I were a prolific writer like you. Unlike you, I am an antiquated juke box that is a little rusty from lack of use. Every now and then, I can manage to rustle up a tune or two. Otherwise, I need a good kick in the you-know-where just to get me working :]


  3. Florence
    Aug 03, 2010 @ 18:00:44

    Hi Em, That was sooo funny. nanlili diay ka.


    • emmblu
      Aug 03, 2010 @ 20:20:23

      Flo, Peeping Tomasa by chance, certainly not by choice. Palpak in all levels: dili cute ang napamosohan, nangamong pa gyud ug bata unya nasakpan pa gyud ! Next time I’ll try to do better. (Ayyy, simbako!)


  4. Harold Cabahug
    Aug 04, 2010 @ 08:28:55

    Haha!!! In your deep subconscious, nangita ka ug pointers sa imong mga friends/relatives! Why, are you getting bored with the usual? You know you can find help in books and this thing called the Internet… ๐Ÿ™‚

    They say “curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back!” So is the curios cat shatisfied now after the incident??? Also, clothing is optional, like socks, shoes, knee pads, blindfold, hand cuffs, etc …


  5. emmblu
    Aug 05, 2010 @ 10:15:49

    Harold, this experience was like opening an unexpected package in the mail and finding a jack-in-the-box that jumped right out at you and punched you in the face. The image of Santa Claus with his pants down getting his groove on is not something I would recommend to the faint of heart.


  6. EmmanSad
    Aug 05, 2010 @ 18:51:05

    Or to the faint of sight ๐Ÿ™‚


  7. Ildebrando Millares
    Aug 06, 2010 @ 11:26:02

    Emma, just like in the “Movies” nu?..Mora ug katong American Pie movie…next time call ahead or make an appointment, american style ba..Na surpass sad nimo ang akong mga “kwaknit” experience to the next level. Imong scarring is traumatic (do you think so? :)..) My kwaknits are the grasya of being a sipat na childhood..hahah


  8. emmblu
    Aug 06, 2010 @ 12:43:48

    Ta, yours was grasya, mine was disgrasya. Imagine running into these two at parties and me trying to keep a straight face and blocking that image from my mind! Not an easy task…
    Walay makalupig sa imong pagka-kwaknit watcher oy! The Original is always the best!


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